Had I been born a Welshman

Had I been born a Welshman,
my mam would have called me Dai
For Wales I’d have played rugby
And at Twickenham scored a try.
I’d be in the Pontypool front row,
A half ton of blubber from head to toe

Had I been born a Welshman
My granddad would have been a miner.
I’m sure he would have known Lloyd George
And I would always have voted Labour.
Yes, I’d carry the torch for my valley
But vacation each year in Miami.

Of course I would speak such perfect Welsh
And pronounce those difficult long names
And I’d know the best way to cook leeks
And be glad we had Welsh language telly.
To preserve our language we must try,
Though I myself would always watch Sky.

The coal mines are all gone you see
And we’re not much good in a factory.
Only the grass for our sheep is now free
I think I have to become Tory
The evil EC with that crafty old Kinnock
Would have us in the Euro in a blink!

So keep a welcome in the valley
When I come home to Wales.
‘Cause I have a good job in Bromley,
And good pay from computer sales.
O yes I like to visit the Rhonda
But I’m glad I don’t have to live there.